Nice Girls End Up on Welfare

Across the table from me sat Amy, a lovely blond who is one of the city's best financial advisers around. She also happens to be in her early 30's and look as though she's in her late teens. Amy has spent the majority of her life being a "nice girl" when it comes to negotiating for herself despite the fact that she's been a hard-nosed, kick 'em in the teeth financial advising guru when it came to her clients.

Here we sat sipping on fresh brewed coffee and Amy was about to be the nice girl again.  Three major clients had left her firm and she was the ticket to getting them back. The only problem was that they were no longer in the division that Amy was a part of, and to get them back she would have to take a pay cut and go back to work for a guy that paid her less money, and less respect.

I don't think so, Amy.  Enter the "Nice Girls End Up on Welfare" conversation.  This is not only a tag line and conversation, it's a topic I speak about across the country.

Why is it that when it comes to ourselves, we women tend to do things for "free" or "less" than we would if it were for other people?  We give and give and give. No more, at least not for Amy.

What did she really want, I asked.  She responded promptly.  She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to tell me.

"Does he have a way with women that's different than he does with men?" I prodded her

"Yes" she said as she chuckled

"Perfect. Wear a beautifully tailored skirt suit. Nice, professional jewelry and your best 4 1/2 inch heels. Unbutton your shirt just a tad bit low and get ready to negotiate using everything, and I do mean everything, you've got. Most importantly, use your best asset, your brain."

"Keep it fact-based and non-emotional." I continued "The difference here is he needs you, you don't need him. Make sure he knows that you know that. Ask for one thing you don't really care about. Let him be able to say 'no' to something so he can maintain his ego as the boss and feel like he won. Start higher than where you want to be so you have room to negotiate."

"And remember, you're happy where you are. As long as you're willing to walk away, you win."

All of a sudden Amy was beaming. Her confidence was shining through her like the sun after a rain shower. I loved that she felt the strength that she knew she had within and was going to win the negotiation she deserved to win all along.

The reality is that nice girls end up on welfare because we're nice. Yes, I include me in this group. For a long time I coached professionals on career transitions and their job searches for free. I would help with their resumes, give interview advice and provide counter-offer strategies for job offers without charging a dime. Where did it get me? Exhausted and frustrated. I was charging nothing for hours and hours of coaching that took years of expertise leaving the other person feeling excited and ready to go while I felt exhausted and spent. Where's the win-win in that?

Smart Girls End Up On A Yacht! Go Girls Go!